Our platonic relationship really turns me on.
Nothing gets me in the mood like knowing nearly every disgusting animal on the planet is having sex right now.
I wish you'd given me herpes so I'd have a reason not to miss you this much.
Someday I'd like you to be my emergency contact person.
You have such a nice smile! I haven't seen any... for at least two hours.
I heard you like Magic, well bend over and watch my dick disappear.
I would fuck you so hard, you'd learn from it.
Hey, are you hiring? I really need a blowjob.
[What are you doing?] I'm taking off my shoes. [Why?] So I can take off my pants.
(Walk up to someone and bite them anywhere) Sorry, taking a bite out of crime. [WHAT?] Well it has to be illegal to look that good!