When we're together I'd rather you stared at my boobs than your phone.
Is your name Tom Brady? Cause you can inflate my uterus.
Is that a Laryngoscope handle in your pants or are you just happy to see me?
I hear you've been a bad boy. Now go to MY room!
Don't let this get to your head, but do you want some?
Why do you insist on taking pictures of brunette models you find online and making these fake tinder accounts? Seriously bro, I'm onto you.
How do you like your sausage in the morning... scrambled or blown?
Sexual talk, on the other hand, doesn't work—though many men continue to think so.
I might be wasted tonight, but the condom in my purse doesn't have to be.
You should stop drinking! (Why?) Because you are driving me home