Please forgive me for not messaging you for ___hours. I was texting all my friends a photo of you and asking them how I should start a conversation with a complete smokeshow.
Hey, where are you going? (Home.) You're not just going to leave me here like this, are you?
Why do you insist on taking pictures of brunette models you find online and making these fake tinder accounts? Seriously bro, I'm onto you.