Is you father a lumberjack [No, why?] Because when ever I look at you, I get wood in my pants.
My love for you is like the derivative of a concave up function because it is always increasing. We're going to assume this concave up function resembles x^2 so that slopes is actually increasing.
Does your skin feel burnt? Because I think you must have just fallen down from heaven, and re-entry would have caused some problems for you.
I want to tell you your fortune. [Take her hand and write your phone number on it.] Your future is clear.